CHRISTIAN SINGLE’S GUIDE TO PERSONALITY DISORDERS
WHICH CAUSE DEPRESSION FOR BOTH THE PERPETRATOR AND THEIR VICTIMS
Chapter 24. Narcissism: “I Love Me, I Love Me Not”
How Does Narcissism Begin? Nature or Nurture?
Let’s turn to the origins of this mysterious personality
disorder. Psychologists and experts in childhood development see the
newborn and infant in a narcissistic state, unable to take care of
himself, dependent upon others to feed, change, and provide for all
his needs. So he is necessarily interested in getting other’s
attention, or narcissistic, at this stage. It is hard to see that the
newborn is thinking of showing love or appreciation to his Mom for
feeding him, but maybe he is reaching out to her the best way he can,
by not crying after he is fed. Later, he will learn how to smile, and
laugh, and the baby now is reaching out to show his joy. As he babbles
and coos, and his eyes light up when Mom or Dad plays with him, I
suspect this is love, in the only way he can show it. We went over
this in the chapter on the stages of maturity, so I won’t repeat
this first stage, except to say that the baby must make the leap from
demanding attention to giving attention to others, especially his
family.
If the infant is blessed with a loving, nurturing family, he should
have no problem in transitioning from demanding infant to a loving
toddler, complete with wet kisses for those closest to him. (Of
course, I am assuming the child is healthy and normal. If he has
autism or another tragic abnormality this transition will not be
easy.) So much depends on knowing that he will not be abandoned or
ignored when he is sick or hungry. An angry, abusive parent can sow
the seeds of narcissism and other mental illnesses at this stage. An
incompetent baby sitter may neglect the infant, preferring to talk on
the phone or watch TV. The early, formative months of the infant’s
life are so important, a mother should try to put off working as long
as she is able, because damage done to the infant’s sense of
security begins very early.
